PL 1st: Semi Final V Pagewood
PL Reserves Semi Final V Waverley Old Boys
PL RESULTS GO COOGEE'S WAY IN BOTH GRADES!
PL Reserves V Phoenix
PL Reserves V Dunbar Rovers
PL Reserves V Maroubra
PL Reserves V Glebe Wanderers
PL Reserves V Waverley Old Boys
PL Reserves V Sydney Uni
PL 1st Grade V Mascot
PL Reserves V Mascot
PL Reserves V Pagewood + Dunbar
PL Reserves V Phoenix
PL Reserves V Lokomotiv Cove
PL Reserves V Maroubra

PL 1st: Semi Final V Pagewood

PL Semi Final, August 22nd 09
Coogee 6 (Six) – 0 Pagewood

COOGEE SMASH PAGEBOYS

Line Up: Curtis, Jason, Robbie, Jake, Phil, Mark, Hally, Paul, Crowd Fav, Oran, Jools

Subs: Belch, Tunney, Stevie, Mike

Injured: Alan

Surely this will go down as the most one sided semi final in ESFA's history? - Not even a hapless Mr Soccer could help Pagewood as Coogee completely outclassed the team that finished 3rd. With Coogee Reserves having already booked their spot in the Grand Final, their support was repaid with a fine first grade performance. A few of the ressies initially watched Waverley ressies murder "how did we only finish 3rd?" Dunbar, 4-0. Well Dunbar, I would suggest losing to lowly Mascot didn't help your season and your half time team talks need some work! The reserves GF will be another contest between Coogee and Waverley.

Back to the first grade match and Pagewood's day got off to a miserable start when it became clear their superb looking marquee was erected beside the wrong pitch. A few of Pagewood's lively lads relocated it to the correct pitch as their fans started arriving in masses to support them, not to mention they had enough beer in tow to get half of Dublin smashed up. Coogee at this point had 6 fans including the subs and Finchy's son. The game kicked off at Heffron and Coogee took the lead very quickly. Mark beat his man down the left flank (like Hale once could) his cross was met by a lively Jools. 1-0. Mr Soccer and his Pageboys were shell shocked, they tried to press forward, though their game plan was pretty basic and they never really threatened Coogee all day. The Coogee back four were looking solid and not giving anything away either.

Coogee's fans started filling up the sidelines despite no beer and certainly no marquee, a few ex stars including Frain, Farrell and three Irish dudes dressed in 70's gear had arrived. Curtis got his first career assist. A huge kick caused a brittle looking Pagewood defence to let the greyhound through on goal, Jools calmly slotting in his second of the day. Pagewood's notoriously noisy crowd were silenced. Coogee 2-0 up after only 25 played. Crowd fav Dash was on the receiving end of an illegal looking tackle and in la liga fashion he rolled and rolled and rolled some more which he followed up with a final roll (not what you'd expect from a scouser) only for the referee to wave away play on. 'Robbo' the former Burnley star was leaping well but generally 'touch me touch me' and Jake the fine wine had Pagewood's danger man in their pockets. Jason 'I love friendlies' skinned his man down the right flank and delivered a perfectly weighted cross, the greyhound lost his scary looking defender and nonchalantly headed back across the keeper for his hat-trick. Forty minutes in and Coogee had all but booked a second semi final place. 3-0 up. The legendary Hally, Paul and Oran were linking up well and ole ole was ringing out from the Coogee faithful. The h/t whistle went and Pagewood's unusually quiet captain kicked the ball away in disgust summing up their first half performance.

Half Time:
Gannon no doubt confused the hell out of everyone which has been the key to his success this season. Dash was looking for some ice. Normo did a quick beer run which proved to be one of his better performances all season - this was after his initial offer to the Pagewood mob of $15 for a crate of Corona was rightfully snubbed.

Second Half:
Coogee came out and applied the same level of pressure on Pagewood and Jools laid off a ball for Oran who rifled home a fourth goal and effectively killed off the game. His celebration was a cheesy one to say the least; I hope he was fined heavily at the CBH. The injured Dash was withdrawn and wrapped in cotton wool with a huge game on Wednesday night in the back of the gaffer's mind, Tunney replacing him in centre mid. Coogee was playing some stylish football at this point, Curtis did look slightly bored in goal and he opted to plan his New Zealand trip. Robbie was removed for Stevie Hammer. Pageboys broke into the Coogee half though the ball bounced over the right back's head and into Mike's safe hands on the touchline, Coogee fans were not subtle in letting him know his error had been spotted and he moped away. A great move from the potent Coogee forward line resulted in Pagewood bodies sliding all over the place prior to Hally slamming home a fifth. The Pagewood chaps started bringing the infamous marquee down again and Gannon sent Belch on for Paul, Belch reinventing himself as a centre midfielder. The final ten minutes saw Jools slot home his fourth and Coogee's sixth after some good work from Oran, our former Limerick town hero had raced past a couple of defenders. Pagewood had a late shot and as Curtis woke up he was happy to see it clip the outside of his post.

Game over:
6-0 to Coogee Luke, not five, that's twice this season you have lost count. I'd hate to go to an AFL or cricket game with you. The Other prems semi spilled into extra time. Dunbar vs Waverley. Coogee would be playing the loser. Waverley's goal took a peppering but was not breached. A penalty shoot out saw Dunbar win. Their keeper saved a few penalties, the same keeper made a great penalty save in 07 from an un-named Coogee penalty taker. Coogee PL vs Waverley on Weds night - a rare spot to play at the SFS is up for grabs.

Goals: Jools 9, 25, 40, 81. Oran 56, Hally 7

Mom: Jools & Hally

Crowd: 203


- Report by Paul Gudgeon

PL Reserves Semi Final V Waverley Old Boys

Coogee 1-0 Waverley - AET, Golden Goal

Waverley appeals waved away as Finchy scores golden goal winner,
despite missing from the spot:

Line Up: Curtis, Jappy, Beau, Niall, Luke, Belch, Gaz, Gudge, Hale, Liam, Finchy

Subs: Silv, Jamie, Marti, Jimmy LC, Mike

The absent list is now as long as Marti's lad: Jimmy W, Jimmy G, Ricky & Bianca, Jezza, Normo, Christian, Mick, Haysey, Jake (kind of)

Champions Coogee taking on second placed Waverley on a baking hot winter's day.

The game got underway and Waverley had lots of early possession during the first quarter of an hour, they created a few half chances but nothing that really threatened the Coogee goal. Coogee started getting a foothold in the game, the midfielders getting the ball out to both flanks whilst Finchy started getting in behind the Waverley defence.

Midway through the half some nice football down the right saw Jappy play a ball into Gaz, who boldly struck it on the turn from 20 yards; with the keeper completely beaten Gaz must have been gutted to see the ball crash against the bar. The danger was still there and Finchy reacted quickest, heading the ball goalwards with but not enough 'horse' power behind it to trouble the relieved looking keeper.

Defensively Beau, Niall, Jappy & Luke were doing a good job, Niall then tried his luck at goal from 40 yards... Not what you expect from a player never to have scored in a Coogee shirt, even after spending 9 years at the club. Still he was inches away from a first goal, again the nervy looking keeper was beaten and the ball flew narrowly wide. Belch gave Coogee a fright when his sliced clearance headed towards goal (our goal) fortunately landing in Curto's arms.

Coogee carried on pressing and was denied an opening goal by some heroic Waverley defending as they managed to keep the game in the balance, some good work down the left from Luke & Hale put Finchy in behind two Waverley defenders, as the keeper rushed out - Finchy lobbed the ball over him and the two defenders gave chase. The first player failed to cut out the danger and it looked like Coogee were about to take a 1-0 lead before the centre half managed to hack the ball off the line with a composed overhead kick, some of the Coogee faithful pleaded with the lino "it crossed the line" . The Waverley keeper and goal seemed to be living a charmed life.

Waverley then had their own clear cut chance just before half time, the forward bearing down towards Curtis one on one - Curtis sized him up before diving at his feet and comfortably coming up with the ball. The Waverley striker maybe had too much time as he failed to punish Coogee.

Half Time:
Into the sheds was known as under the trees today. Lots of water, motivating from certain characters. Gudg then pipes up "remember lads Curtis only has 6 seconds to release the ball"... After receiving some strange looks from his team mates the team talk got back to its normal routine.

Second Half:
Both teams played most of the second half looking not to concede and chances were far and few between, Curtis made a fine save from the big striker and Curtis then looked pretty sheepish after he missed a deep throw-in only for the ball to bounce off a Waverley player and back into his hands.

Hale got in behind his full back and instead of pulling back to Finchy or Gudg waiting on the edge of the box he opted to beat him again before his cross was cleared. Jappy crossed for Gaz who headed over before Gaz was replaced for Marti and Liam moved into Centre mid. Liam soon let it be known he was there putting in a couple of tough challenges.

Finchy was denied again after turning his defender, getting off a strike which the keeper managed to hold onto. Beau then had one of his ticking time bomb moments (for those that don't know, he sometimes thinks the ball is a bomb and he goes into panic mood!) - Captain Beauy playing a wild ball across our goal and put Waverley through on goal, fortunately their player made a mess of his finish. The game was still poised at 0-0.

Lukey was hoping to make a change for the final 15 minutes - taking himself off for Jimmy. For about the tenth time this season we had a nightmare trying to make our change. Jimmy was releasing some fluids over the hill and Luke stayed on the pitch after the ref lost his patience. Jimmy finally came on for Luke and Hale moved to left back.

Both teams were trying to nick a winner and Belch had an opportunity... He swung at the ball and missed everything, landing on the ground in a heap. Jimmy was looking fired up and chased down a nothing ball which he got a foot on and saw his cheeky flick go wide of the keeper.

The Full time whistle went and the deadlock hadn’t been broken. 0-0

Extra time:
Coogee kicked off and looked like they wanted this game over with, Jimmy getting involved early on and Marti was making some strong runs down the right wing. Then the big talking point.

Belch played a very good ball into the Waverley box, Finchy brought it down and looked to run between two defenders, as he did the ref blew up and rewarded Coogee a penalty - Finchy was possibly tripped but there was also a case that the Waverley player had played the ball with his hand. It's fair to say it was not that clear, obviously the referee saw something.

After things settled down Finchy took responsibility for the penalty, the porn star ran in and struck a horror penalty which crashed against the keeper's legs, the ball rebounded back into play and Finchy reacted first slotting home the winner. This week's celebration saw him try and wipe out a pack of cyclists!

Coogee celebrated and you had to feel for certain individuals from Waverley after a physical, long game in warm conditions it would have hurt to lose (at least they get another game).

Final result: 1-0.

Coogee has a week off before the Grand Final takes place against either Waverley or Dunbar after they beat Phoenix in the other semi final.

The day / night / morning session then got underway and Jimmy LC created a Coogee song which he will be singing to everyone on Tuesday at training.

Goal: Finchy 96'

MOM: Belch - solid display.

Crowd: 132
Crowd during extra time was reduced due to a gay time ice cream run from grown men.

Club Men of the day: Jamie & Silv for being top lads despite not getting a run.


- Report by James Whiteford

RESULTS GO COOGEE'S WAY IN BOTH GRADES!

A fantastic day for Coogee United as the Premier League First Grade finish fourth and makes the finals for the first time... ever! Whilst the PL Reserves bring home the league title without even kicking a ball.

The PLR were not in action and dependent on Dunbar (3rd) avoiding defeat against Waverley (2nd) at ES Marks, if this was to be the case CUFC would be crowned champions, meaning Waverley would not be able to 'show off the trophy' to Coogee or Dunbar as hoped. First grade had a fixture lined up against a lowly Sydney Uni team still trying to recover from the loss of Fossie & co. Also required was a win from Phoenix over Locomotion Cove...

Our club secretary duly took minutes of a top day:

Saturday 8th August 2009:

12.12pm - PLR players arrive at Heffron for an intense training session.

12.18 - PLR Gaffer Di Michael finally arrives in his turquoise motor.
Bread rolls, cheese, salad & beers all in tow.

12.30 - Training starts

12.49 - Hale starts training

1.00 - Confirmation CUFC scouts are on route to ES Marks. Notepad forgotten.

12.30-2 - Good training session is completed despite Marti's erratic performance!

2.15 - Fired up first grade get their warm up underway.

2.45 - Couple of people ask if our PLR scouts have been in contact
- Gaffer confirms no reports.

2.55 - First grade team talk is delivered from midget man Mark Gannon.
Fans disappointed to see crowd favourite Dash dropped to bench

2.58 - PLR gaffer calls in the players to talk them through making their sandwich.
He also casually drops in Waverley vs. Dunbar finished 1-1.
CUFC crowned champions. No trophy showing from Waverley.

2.59 - Hally gives Luke his phone - "let me know if my wife goes into labour" quips Hally as he trots onto pitch, Luke looks nervous receiving the phone.

3.00 - 1's get underway, Alan has an early pop at someone for not finding his feet from 60 yards away.

3.00 - Confirmation Gannon's scout has arrived at Tempe.

3.03 - Liam arrives after his morning surf. Apparently he didn't see the training email and has very fluffy hair to boot.

3.05 - Gannon is a wreck and demands a cold beer. "Pull it together Gannon" cries Niall, who then follows up with "I'm here and I'm with you mate".

3.08 - Our scouts arrived at Heffron. "So Jappy / Gaz, how was it"? Asked by a half interested Coog player. We missed the goals, but Waverley had a couple of tall guys!" "Anything else"?" "No, not really". Good scouting lads.

3.10 - Messages filter down to Melbourne that CUFCR are champions - Beau, Finch & Mick inform all St Kilda residents and duly order another round of Jagermeister's.

3.15 - Oran is through against Uni and opts to cross to no-one. 0-0.

3.18 - Finch Calls Gudge
3.18 - Beau calls Jappy

3.19 - Gudge & Jappy place the two party animals on speaker whilst they chant renditions of "champione's champione's, ole ole ole".

3.21 - Over to the game, a great cross comes in and Jimmy W is on hand to tap home an open goal... Hang on he's missed, the keeper has saved the shot from all of two yards. Jimmy can't believe it.

3.27 - Finchy calls Hale to chant another song, Beau joins in as they announce further drinks are being sunk.

3.32 - Niall confers with coach Gannon; they anxiously stare at Gannon's mobile. Niall delivers the news we don't want to hear. Loko are 1-0 up against Phoenix. Meanwhile crowd favourite Dash has been introduced after Jimmy W's hammy goes for the 15th time this season. He also rudely turns down Mike's assistance to carry him off the pitch.

3.38 - Oran smashes ball against bar. 0-0.

3.39 - Dash plays a perfect through ball, oh wait he's put Uni in one-on-one with Nick. Nick gets a touch but the ball falls to a Uni player with an open goal in front of him, he places wide. Crowd fav is let off. Still 0-0.

3.40 - Finchy & Beau have rung everyone and are still singing away. Great stuff.

3.45 - 0-0 at half time - Gannon and the boys look frustrated. First grade should be three up. Into the sheds. Alan fires up, Jakes pipes up, Mark screams and yells. Belch calms things down. Mike becomes upset at the rage in the sheds and leaves.

4.00 - Niall and Gannon crack open another beer each. Loko still one up. First grade need goals and have to hope Phoenix can turn things around.

4.05 - Jules & Mark have early chances. Both miss.

4.08 - A reported arrest is made in St. Kilda - source, Niall.

4.15 - Gannon calls over an experienced head in Niall. Appears there has been a mix up, Phoenix are 1-0 up and not Loko as initially reported. The Coog crowd are lifted, Coog now need two goals and will be through. Still 0-0.

4.17 - Jake passes back to Nick - who picks it up and a free kick is awarded in the box for Uni - Jake bravely blocks it erasing his mistake.

4.20 - Someone crosses for Mark to slot home for Coogee. 1-0 up.

4.22 - Coogee crowd now excited as 1 more goal will see them into the final four as things stand. Thank god for the man on the ground in Tempe.

4.24 - Niall & Gannon are in further dialogue. Niall delivers further news and gets the rumour mill flying again. It's now 0-0 over at Tempe. Gannon's source saw the net bulge but was walking his dog at the time. Confusion all around as the goal was apparently chalked off. Niall's form so far 1-0 Loko then 1-0 Phoenix. Now we are at 0-0 again and Coogee looks to be heading out. What a roller coaster ride Niall has us all on.

4.27 - Oran tries to chip the keeper, shocking effort. Gannon loses it and cracks open another Hahn.

4.29 - Jules crosses for Oran to head home. Coogee now 2-0 up.

4.31 - Crowd fav tries his luck from 25 yards, he strikes the 'best post in the league' and is denied a goal, unlucky. Jimmy W is enjoying drinking out his Heineken keg. Hally's Mrs has not called, much to Luke's relief.

4.35 - A great Uni strike pulls one back - 2-1. Curtis gutted.

4.35 - Gannon's gets a vital text through - confirmation of a painting job in Botany, starting Monday for a 6 week period.

4.37 - Coogee fans ask Niall (the middle man) for an update on the Loko scoreline. Niall returns it's 1-0 to Phoenix lads. If this is true Coogee now need one more goal during the final ten minutes. Who really knows what is true with Niall & Gannon at the helm. Over to the game

4.37 - Oran crosses for Mark to coolly slot home, 3-1. Despite Hale screaming "shoot OraM shoot". Hale was corrected by someone "it's Oran and he made the right decision in crossing, hey Hale".

4.39 - Gannon confirms he is out of phone credit. He thinks it is 2-0 to Phoenix though.

4.40 - At last someone sensible appears on the frantic scene - El Presidento staggers out of his plush canteen / storage cupboard, turns away a hot dog sale to deliver some important and real news. A massive grin on his face and two fingers in the air, this confirms Phoenix lead 2-0. Niall now looking very bamboozled and finally gives up. Coogee first grade are heading into the finals.

4.42 - Oran finishes off another move and puts the game out of Uni's sight, 4-1 up.

4.45 - Gannon gets a call. Fans yell to Mark, "is it over?" The 2-1 signal is given. Then followed by news our Tempe scout has lost his dog all together. Hectic. Game still being played at Tempe and Heffron.

4.50 - Whistle goes at Heffron, Dash is overjoyed - he's done it again, 3rd eye. Ref has blown on other Heffron pitch. Glebe beat Mascot.

4.53 - Whistle goes at Heffron again. Coogee has beaten Uni 4-1.
Gannon has topped up his phone credit and he announces Loko lost 2-1. The news spreads like a prostitute's legs and Coogee's players and fans are delighted.

5pm - 7.30 - (I went home)

Plenty of fines, champione chant broke out again, barmaids giving us odd looks. Phil came dressed as a baseball fan. Captain Markezic sipping on water with City-surf on his mind. Rumours of Rob taking Marks mother in law out for dinner. Hamner winning MOM for hitting black & white shirts at last. Niall drinking himself silly after a tough day.

MOM - Steve Hamner
Champ of the day - Mark Gannon, 1st time first grade have ever qualified.
Chump of the day - Niall


- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Phoenix

Result: Coogee United 1 Phoenix 2

Line Up: Mike, Beau, Jappy, Niall, Silv, Gudg, Hale, Gaz, Pykey, Liam, Finchy.
Subs: Jez, Marti, James, Jamie

COOGEE CRUMBLE IN FINAL 5 MINUTES

First Half:
A tired brown pitch at Paine Reserve saw Coogee take to the field for the final fixture of the regular season. On a warm day Coogee & Phoenix were evenly matched with both teams missing early opportunities.

Niall was sticking close to Phoenix's big lummox upfront and Silv, Jappy and Beau were looking relatively composed at the back. Coogee won a string of corners - Beau forcing the keeper into a good save with a downward header from one of Hale's deliveries.

Coogee pressed for the opener and Jappy stepped up for a free kick - the keeper easily blocking it at the near post. Pykey playing centre mid and winning every header, he also put a blinding through ball through to Finchy as a parting gift before leaving the field injured after 11 minutes. Jez playing his last game, departing for England where he will be joining up with a fine club - Torquay United confirming his signature.

Liam finished a couple of belters only to find himself fractionally offside on both occasions. Gudg then got the crowd roaring as he played a ball forward with his right foot. His right foot will now be requiring ice every day until the Semi Finals.

Mid way through the Half, Liam was brought down in the centre circle and Jappy delivered a dangerous free kick which Finchy got on the end of, planting away a quality header. Coogee, 1-0 up and Finchy's latest dodgy celebration was that of Freddie Flintoff's recent wicket taking at Lords (Beau did you watch that game?). A few moments later Gaz played through Liam only for the keeper to pull off a good save.

Second Half:
After a comfortable first half Coogee came out for the final 45 minutes of the season requiring a point to guarantee the league title.

Phoenix pressed early and Coogee were suddenly under the pump. Coogee lacked composure on the ball and couldn't seem to relieve the pressure. Coogee got themselves back in the contest and Gudg got in behind the defence and pulled back for Gaz who mis hit a shot well wide, Hale was beating his man and delivering a few crosses, Gaz going close again with a header, cleared away off the line. Finchy then agonisingly missed an open goal as he rushed his shot with the keeper stranded.

The final 25 minutes approached and Phoenix rallied winning a penalty after Jappy was accused of tripping their forward. Up stepped the Phoenix forward, he hit it low to Mike's right and it cannoned back off the post, the striker will know he should have buried the rebound with the goal at his mercy, he some how shot wide! Coogee had been let off.

Beau was exchanged for Jamie and Gudg for James as the final ten minutes approached. Phoenix were now pushing forward and Finchy had to even defend on his own 6 yard box. With 5 minutes to go, Phoenix's left midfielder got in behind the defence and crossed for the striker to score into an empty net, 1-1.

Phoenix weren't done and pressed forward; Mike made a fine save after a stinging 18 yard volley came flying at him. From the resulting corner Phoenix throw everyone forward in the last minute and after a massive goal mouth scramble they were rewarded with a winner from 6 yards out. No way back for Coogee as they kicked off, the ref blew up almost immediately.

It was a heart wrenching finish to a very good season leaving the title open for another week: Waverley requiring 3 further points against Dunbar. Coogee need to train hard now and find that focus & form back as they go into a semi final game against Waverley in two weeks.

Goal: Finchy 29
MOM: Niall


- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Dunbar Rovers

Result: Dunbar Rovers 5 Coogee United 1

Line Up: Mike, Jamie, Beau, Pykey, Luke, Gudg, Hale, Jimmy G, Gaz, Finchy, Liam
Subs: Marti, Jimmy W, James, Silv, Jez

HUGE wake up call for Coogee

First Half:
Dunbar came to Heffron seeking revenge from the 3-0 reverse earlier in the season.

The game ended with Coogee being brought back to earth and sounded out a huge wake up call.

The twelve game winning streak came to an abrupt end as Coogee lacked any intensity, creativity and most of all - lacked the hunger that has been apparent all season. Dunbar was the opposite and wanted the game from the first minute.

Although this was only Coogee's second defeat of the season they will need to improve next week, against another top four team and leading into the final's stage of the season.

Dunbar scored two quick goals before Finchy and Gaz missed a couple of chances to pull us back into the game. Dunbar then scored a third just before half time putting themselves in a strong position.

Second Half:
Dunbar then scored a fourth within two minutes and killed off any hope Coogee had of getting back into the game. In truth Coogee didn't look like making any sort of comeback.

A fifth rolled in and a few subs were made before Marti set up Hale to slot home a consolation goal in the final ten minutes. Hale bringing a smile to the Coogee team with cries of "we can win this 6-5 lads" Mike then clattered their striker as the final few minutes came to an end, putting Coogee out of their misery.

Coogee will have to write this match off, the gaffer will regroup his players and let's hope they can end the regular season in better shape next weekend.


- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Maroubra

Result: Coogee United 5 Maroubra 1

Line Up: Curtis, Silv, Captain Mr England, Pykey, Luke, MC Gudg, Jimmy G, welcome back Hally, tickitec Hale, Mr Canada, Mr Morocco.
Subs: Mr Scotland, Co MC Jimmy W, Mr France, Gary.
Injuries: Jez, Beau.

Coogee thrashes Maroubra

Mr Coogee (formerly known as Mr World) ticket sales or lack of, Sydney morning herald, a wet kit, notable lateness, Aussies taking control in the Ashes test match, reports of half the 1st grade squad sporting fresh spray tans. Many talking points before the warm up had even got underway!

Gaffer Di Michael tuned the player's attention and the CUFC boys focused on the job ahead.

Underway at Heffron and Coogee looked far stronger from the start, Liam giving Maroubra's backline a tough day from the off. That said it was Maroubra who should have taken a lead, number 10 heading well wide of an open net from 3 yards. Curtis and his defence looking very relieved.

The black & white kit was now dry and Coogee exploded into life, Jimmy G & Hally playing some quality football in the middle, releasing the wingers and forwards at every opportunity. Hally / Jimmy G - often described as Lampard / Gerrard of CUFC, the question of "can they play together?" being quashed. Gudg swung in a corner which was met at the far post by Liam's head; Marti reacted quickest and poked the ball home... 1-0.

Maroubra were 2-0 down before they knew it. The left back getting caught out by Gudg who smashed the ball into the bottom corner, a goal described by the bench as a 'world class finish' - Maroubra's number 1 getting a hand to it but he was unable to take the sting out of the powerful strike. Hale then oddly slapped a cross with his hand!

Coogee now firmly in control. Luke & Hale linking up well - reports of an apparent rift between the pair was clearly just media hype, Jappy and Pykey looking rock solid winning everything. Curtis produced a top save with his neck or possibly his face as he slipped on the edge of the 18 yard box. The third goal shortly followed - Hally on his return delivered a perfect ball for Marti who took a fine touch before coolly slotting home his second goal.

Half time was approaching but Coogee was still pressing and Hale was sent clear on goal, taking a couple of touches before coming up against a 12th man. The famous heffron sniper caught him out... BUT Hale was somehow still on his feet with the keeper charging towards him... his legs now like jelly, will he fall or stand?... he did well to compose himself and get off a shot which finished up in the net, 4-0. Maroubra then had a spell even winning a throw-in, in Coogee's half.

HALF TIME: An orange looking Mark was spotted. Luke delivered a fine team talk, two changes made, young James on and Gudg off for scoring such a brilliant goal and providing him some preparation time for the night ahead. Gaz was sent on for Jimmy G Lampard.

Second Half:
With the job already complete Coogee didn't play with the same tempo during the second half. The defence was still looking pretty solid and the midfield & strikers were still working hard. Jamie came on for a battling Silv at right back - Jamie unlucky not to score after his strike from a corner was blocked.

Luke then gave our glass man a rest, his replacement Big Jim another fragile product coming on in the middle. Curtis was tested a couple of times and made a couple of useful saves before his goal was finally breached - Maroubra banging home a decent goal, 4-1. An orange looking fireman then arrived on the sidelines.

Pykey took a knock but the solid man played on. Jappy's England pants were keeping things tight, Luke was searching his first ever CUFC goal, Marti chasing a hat-trick sliced wide, Maroubra won a corner and seemed really happy.

Curtis unsurprisingly requested a swap of positions with Liam, Hale hit the by line whilst selling a third MR W ticket to the right back as he ran past. A beautiful blend of youth & experience performing well on the right, big Jim chasing shadows.

A fifth Coogee goal arrived, Gaz striking from 20 yards - the ball seemed to be heading for Tony's hot dog stand before hitting several Maroubra players leaving the keeper rooted - it slowly rolled into the net, 5-1. ESFA dubious goal panel have officially confirmed this as an own goal. Hard luck Gaz!

Coogee were done and three more points collected, over on Heffron 4 Goldilocks and chums went down to Glebe meaning Coogee have opened up a nine point lead.

Attendance: - big away following - 99
MOM - Marti
Goals - Marti 18, 33. Gudg 26, Hale 41. OG 76


- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Glebe Wanderers

Result: Coogee United 1 Glebe Wanderers 0

Location: A holey Heffron pitch

Line Up: Curtis, Silv, Jappy, Beau and a strange looking purple knee, Luke, James, Jez, jimmy G, Gudge, Liam, Finchy.

Subs: Gary, Hale, Marti, Pykey.

Jamie injured. Jake the fine wine, getting better with age was pushed up to 1's. Normo was in the area and stopped in for a chat. Jimmy W rocking up after the game "sorry lads I was out west last night - yeah I was a judge at miss world"... complete show off:

Captain’s Sensible's team talk: Use the wide player's lads and forwards run yourselves into the ground. We have a 'lethal weapon' on the bench in Marti... Jim looks around in amazement, thinking to himself - bit early for a Mr World team talk?

This week’s opponents for top of the table Coogee were Glebe Wanderers. Coogee vs. Glebe has had some bite to it in recent years. Glebe well off the pace this season - meaning the edge of more recent times was lacking today.

The game got underway in difficult conditions with a fierce winding causing Luke's attempted crosses into the penalty box to land at Jappy's feet on the half way line! With the game 39 seconds old, Beau's freaky purple knee gave way and Coogee were forced into making an early substitute. Danny Pyke entered the fray for the first time since early 2008 at centre back.

A scrappy game wasn't helped by the ref's lacked of ability to, erm referee. Coogee was using James well down the right and the back four were looking solid. It's fair to say Glebe was also playing the ball around quite nicely. Not much happened, some talking points:

• Liam's whooping cough effecting his game - subbed off for Marti and his weapon of mass destruction.

• Jez then rolled an ankle - on came Gaz. Gaz fresh from eating haggis and drinking shed loads of Scottish booze.

• 3 first half subs!

• Curtis almost getting knocked out as Pykey cleaned up anything / everything in his sight.

• A fair few snipper victims from both teams

• Silv taking his thrown-ins 2-3 times before landing them in play

• Glebe's gigantic centre back, a rare sight: he could not head the ball; 5ft4 Jim beat him in the air on several occasions.

Then came the games main highlight, Finch playing a ball out wide to Gudge who took a touch and cut back a cross from the left. The ball smashed someone's hand or possibly Marti's weapon and fell kindly for Gaz, he slotted home with his left foot. Coogee found themselves in a familiar position, 1-0 up.

Second Half:
A poor half which had few highlights: Jim G had a great strike from 30 yards that went close, Gaz almost got on the end of a couple of crosses from the flanks, having a header cleared off the line. Hale was introduced with both Jims subbing themselves off... gaffer fined for that confusing moment.

Curtis had a fortunate moment when a bouncing ball hit his shoulder and looped over the bar. Silv making a vital clearance with his head as three Glebe players closed in. Curtis then made the save of the day, clawing the ball from behind him off a Glebe set piece. Jim G got a yellow for kicking the ball away (disappointing playground behaviour).

Coogee comfortably saw the game out with Pykey winning every header at the back. 10 from 10 wins. Back at the CBH news filtered through that Waverley had lost. Coogee is firmly in the driving seat for the league title, it's now in our hands.

Attendance: - 49, Beau getting close to a trainee physio. What would Nadine think? And what does Phil think?
MOM - Danny Pyke. 1st game back and solid.
Goal - Gaz 36'


- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Waverley Old Boys

Coogee edge out Waverley

Coogee United 2 Waverley Old Boys 1

Line Up: Curtis, Jappy, Beau, Jake, Captain Sensible Luke, Jez, Middle Jimbo, Ricky, Gudge, Finchy, Liam

Subs: Silv, Jamie, Big Jimmy W, Marti, Little Jim

1st Half Action:

A clash of the titan's, with the top two meeting for what proved to be an exciting encounter. It took a while for the game to open up with both teams taking a cautious approach. Liam soon sorted that out, with a lofted ball over the last Waverley man, Jez running onto it like an all black winger, causing panic between the defence & keeper - the latter handling the ball outside the box. It seemed the referee opted for a quiet day out and turned a blind eye. Coogee were working hard as a unit, in midfield we were spraying the ball around the park, middle Jim & Ricky were winning most of the 50/50 balls and headers whilst breaking up the play. The back four were all making vital headers & interceptions, whilst Liam & Finchy ran them ragged up front.

Waverley were forced into shifting their formation around and they soon became dis-jointed. They even made a first half substitution, bringing on a Kevin Keegan look a likey at centre back.


To purchase this photo at just $15 please contact Daniel Ashley via mobile or visit his personal website and order online. AMEX accepted.










The game continued, poised at 0-0.Waverley's new look formation started to crumble. Finchy was unlucky hitting a post, only to see the ball rebound into the keeper's arms. Jappy combined with Rick, who in turn played a lovely ball into the channel, Liam stayed onside, skinned his man and fired in a cross for Finchy to slot the ball into an empty net. Finchy dedicated his goal to Michael Jackson, doing a dodgy looking moonwalk.

H/Time: In the sheds, over to Captain Sensible. Lads great half, keep the concentration up, keep the football going and remember the first ten minutes will be vital second half... Well

2nd Half Action:

Coogee clearly did not listen to Luke, within about 7 minutes a fired up Waverley scored a great goal which Curtis should have had. Waverley had another ten minute spell and Jappy (a well drilled junior) sensing danger from a corner, stuck to his post and hacked away with Curtis beaten to keep the score at 1-1. Beau & Jake were winning everything, middle Jim took down his man with his head. Coogee then started to turn the knife. Highlights that followed:

• Luke beat his man, I repeat Luke, delivering perfectly for Jez, he ran into the ball with his stomach

• The famous Heffron Snipper took down two Waverley men

• Finchy crossed for Jez to again run into the ball with his stomach. Doubled his fine tally.

• Liam Fizzed in a cross for Gudg at the back post, a stretching toe was not enough to guide the ball into a gaping goal. Gazza 96. Fine

• Subs: Big Jim for middle Jim, little Jim for Jezza.

The game was into the last fifteen and Jappy hoofed clear, a pace race began between Liam and the keeper. Young Liam got there first and lobbed the keeper with a classy first time effort. The ball bounced in the net, Liam bounced to the floor - looking dazed after a collision. Some strange dialogue then followed between our strike pair:

Liam - Where Am I?

Finchy - In my warm arms.

Liam - Did I score?

Finchy - Not yet, no.

Liam (looking pi$$ed) - You have lovely long flowing hair.

Finchy - "You are so great Liam" gently picked him, hugged him and smacked his bum.

Weird, but the partnership is working.

Coogee 2-1 up, Waverley heading for a first loss of the season. Marti came on for a confused Liam and he made some good runs, one ending with a left foot effort going wide. The Waverley coach pushed forward (great news for us) he felt a tug on his wild locks, going down in the box like a sack of spuds. Needless to say his penalty appeals were waved away. Three points, top of the league and nine from nine wins.

Attendance - 92 and one stray dog.

MOM - Liam.

Looking good! Two top results.




- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Sydney Uni

Coogee United 4-0 Sydney Uni

Line Up: Curtis, Jappy, Beau, Jake, Silvio, Gudge, Jez, Jimmy G, Hale, Finchy, Marti
Subs: Jamie, Luke (Man enough to drop himself) whipper snapper James and Liam.

Coogee United rocked up to this game located at Heffron Park in horrendous conditions - Jakes recent claim of 'Heffron has state of the art facilities' were not so apparent. Heffron was under Water and our game was shifted to the 'training' pitch. Both Northamptonshire boys - Hale & Jappy showed utter disgust at this while the rest of us prepared for a muddy afternoon.

The rain was having a strange effect on the Gaffer. Lukey delivered the team talk, pumped us all up and sent us out to battle... as we gave each other a manly pat on the back with 'COME ON LADS' or '3 POINTS TODAY BOYS, someone calmly pointed out he hadn't named the team, we marched back into the five star sheds as a mildly embarrassed gaffer finally named the starting team.

The game exploded into life and it's fair to say CUFCR killed off a lacklustre opponent within an electric twenty minutes. Ten minutes in saw Jappy and Gudge linking up down the right, Gudge drilling in a low cross for Jimmy G (what a replacement for Jimmy W) turning his man beautifully and unlike the week before he remained composed in front of goal to slot home 1-0.

Some fine work between Silvio/Finchy/Hale down the left saw Hale skin his man, getting to the by-line for the 1,999th time of his Coogee Career he delivered a peachy looking cross to the back post where Gudge leapt like a salmon to head home 2-0. At the CBH this was Hale's view on his cross - "I caught it beautifully, it beat the keeper perfectly, it had dip, swerve, curl, pace, accuracy, height that wasn't too high and power behind it" I think he's been listening to Tommy Smith of ESPN far too much.

Anyway with twenty minutes approaching before you could say "we are missing Normo today" it was 3-0, another fine delivery from the right (no names mentioned) Jimmy G doubled Jimmy W's goal tally for the season with a carbon copy finish, composure & accuracy, firing firmly with the laces. Uni were not only muddy but they were rattled! Marti and Finchy each squirmed chances, the defence was looking confident and Curtis made a fantastic save from a uni corner destined for goal. With the remainder of the half dwindling out, Coogee strolled into the break three up. Jamie came on for Jake who was called up for first grade duties.

Second half: - Mike overheard the Sydney Uni team talk "this team are fat, slow and English" well motivational speaking is clearly his line of work as we cruised through the second half in third gear.

The rain increased and puddles started to fill up the training pitch, Jezza/Jimmy G/Jappy/Beau were playing some delightful football in the middle of the park releasing the wingers & forwards. Jamie looking a solid function at right back erasing the nightmare's he'd had all week. Gudge tried out some Wrestalmania action and instead picked up a yellow card, Lukey yanking him off for whipper snapper winger - James Le Cornu back from injury, what a sight.

No major highlights until Liam was introduced for Finchy and Luke put himself on for Silv. Hale volleyed forward for Liam to skin his extra large defender, burying in off the post 4-0. The rain came down harder and the puddles saved Curtis from conceding a couple of times. The so called Sydney Uni striker missed an open goal as his day went from bad to worse.

Coogee played out the final ten through difficult conditions and picked three points to move top of the league.

Goals: Jim 10, 20. Gudge 16, Liam 77
Attendance - 7 (rain causing public transport chaos)
MOM - Jimmy Grantham.

- Report by James Whiteford

PL 1st Grade V Mascot

"It doesn't take a great team to score, but it does take a great team to maintain a lead" O.Weldrick - June 09

I will start by apologising to all of 1st grade should I include any of your names spelt incorrectly. Luckily, Jasen, Marc and Fill have done their best to provide me with correct names.

It seems that many of us failed to read Luke's email with directions this week, rather like Danny Normington the week before. Fortunately, instead of ending up on the south coast everyone arrived in good time for the warm up. The mood in the camp was quickly soured by Phil's discovery of a lack of changing room and therefore the inability to hang his Target T-Shirt. Right, the 'warm up', where do I start?

After a very sensible stretch of the legs, some nice one touch one two's and another stretch my initial thoughts were, this team is mustard. Suddenly, in the time it takes Trainer Mark to polish off a Hahn Super Dry my opinion quickly changed. All of a sudden we got in a circle and gradually closed in whilst hammering the ball at each others shins. For a moment I thought it was in memory of Gaz and his ability to score with that part of the anatomy but no, this was the warm up. All of this was echoed with the calls of "touch me, touch me". I'll put it down to bonding.

The line up: Mike, Robbie (skipper for the day), Jason, Nialler, Stevie, Jimmy (dropped from CUFCR), Phil, Oran (soon to be called up for inspirational talks), Jules, Alan, Dash. Beer drinkers on the sideline: Beltch, Haysey, Jimmy, Liam.

CUFC started in slightly chaotic fashion with the team getting used to having a new centre midfielder who rarely moves out of a 5m square area. Don't worry Phil, your fitness will improve. Things started to improve with the boys leading from the front. Dash was winning both the battle with the centre backs and huge admiration from the watching fans whilst Julesy, Oran and Alan showed they had the beating of their markers. It was just going to take a little time to wear this mob down. Sure enough though after some more battling work down the left a ball was squared to Oran who curled a low left footer just inside the right post, a great finish. Despite a woeful back pass from Jimmy and somewhat 'rabbit in the headlights' effort from our departing right back Mike was given little to worry about for the early part of the half.

Oran was fouled in the centre of the park (whilst reading 'Great Quotes of Football Commentators') and a break away saw Mascot nick an equaliser. Less said the better on the performance of the man in black, or yellow or whatever the fool was wearing. Sorry, did I say fool? From that point on things looked more comfortable as the defence started to spray the ball around and passes were linking up through the field... touch me, touch me.

Mascot managed to do their bit to help us with the two quick goals that followed. Jules and Alan grabbed one a piece with some determined interceptions and cool finishes. 3-1 to us at half time.

We will all remember this half time talk for a long while and it can be summed up with one simple line. "It doesn't take a great team to score, but it takes a great team to maintain a lead".

The 2nd half started, and to be honest, finished in scrappy fashion. The boys had done enough in the first half to upset the Mascot team whose heads had well and truly dropped. Phil, Niall and Dash were solid as the back bone down the middle. Some other highlights included Robbie taking out their pretty useful midfielder with a late challenge above the knee, and then the same midfielder taking out Robbie in a pretty shocking challenge. He was lucky with a yellow. Their keeper lost the plot at the same time.

The boys from the bench gave us some needed fresh legs (well, fresh ish) and we created a few more half chances. I was told not to mention Jimmy's header...

All in all a solid enough performance and by the sounds of it results went our way to keep a finals spot alive. With Craig Foster dedicating his time to Australia's World Cup bid for 2018 there is great opportunity to build a charge next week vs. Syd Uni. Football Australia apparently approached Oran last night to lead the World Cup bid. His response to the media was; "It doesn't take a great country to score a goal, but it does take a great country to host a tournament".

A night of ridiculous drinking and dancing ensued at the Paddo Inn and Fringe Bar. Not looking forward to seeing the pictures, of which 64% include Mark's c*ck. You've got to love Saturdays in Sydney.


Final Score: CUFC 3-1 Mascot
Scorers: Oran 21, Alan 36, Jules 41
Man of the Match - Dash
Attendance - 45 plus half the cast of 'A Big Fat Greek Wedding'.

- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Mascot

Saturday 13th June, 09 - PLR: Coogee United 2-1 Mascot Kings

Line up: Curtis, Jappy, Luke, Jake, Beau 'Titus Bramble'-Paine, Gudge, Jez, Haysey, Hale, Marti, Finchy aka the horse.

Subs: Silvio, Jamie, Jim G, Liam, Normo (the extended south coast trip has done my hammy the world of good) Christian - AWOL! Big Jimmy ditched us after getting the 1's call up - judas... ! Mick had a few beers and supported the lads whilst chatting up Nadine.

This away fixture was the first time CUFC had played at L'Estrange, causing some early havoc with half the team either lost or over at Booralee. Lukes map was obviously not clear enough:



The lads turned out in numbers on another sunny day, we were about to play our third game in seven days, after a fantastic result against Dunbar on Monday (hopefully skipper Harris & Co from Rush Cutters bay have stopped sulking!) the CUFC boys were buzzing during the warm up. The game promised goals, Mascot a team looking to avoid the wooden spoon title and CUFCR chasing a seventh straight win to break a club record.

The game got underway with a few scrappy exchanges, similar to Hale & Gudges pre-match underwear exchange!! Ten minutes in and Jez had one of his weekly 25 yard strikes at goal, with everyone expecting him to smash it into the nearby airport, he sliced it towards goal and was fortunate enough to see ex Coogee favourite - Franky four fingers getting no way near the ball. Bang 1-0 to the Coog. Jez was clearly as shocked as the rest of us, unsure of how to celebrate, running around the pitch (Forrest Gump style) looking rather delighted with himself.

The Coog kicked on looking to put Mascot to the sword, Hale and Lukey - sporting his new boots, were linking up well down the left and delivering some cracking crosses, Haysey & Jez picking out the Finch & Marti. Jappy and Gudge were working the right hand side majestically. Short corners to be trained on tomorrow!

Some 1st half highlights included Marti crashing a header against the bar from 2 yards, Marti slotting wide of an open goal, Finchy missing a header after a pin point cross from Gudge's outside of the left boot, straight from Normo's scrap book, Luke having a free kick turned away for a corner. Curtis had little to do, though he had to remain focused with Beauy's mind on the night ahead. Jake stayed relatively calm given his partner was charging around like a headless chicken and even managed to throw in a couple of his favourites Peter Beardsley moves just for effect.

Half time and over to the Gaffer - Lads more of the same, remain patient and the goals will come. Jimmy G was introduced for Haysey and Jim began to spray the ball around, ala Frank Lebeouf. The first half of the second half was good, the in-form Finchy surprisingly missed a couple of opportunities and in truth Mascot frustrated us and we dropped our game to their level.

Some fresh legs were injected in Jamie for Jappy, Silv for Hale, Luke glanced over at Normo who was sipping on an ice cold Tooheys new, clearly still in holiday mode, we opted to leave him alone! A good passage of play saw a free flowing move put the Coog 2-0 up. Marti's final contribution of the game came in an assist, crossing for who else but that man Finchy to slot home past Franky (Mike his goal kicks make yours look amazing). Liam was introduced for Marti and harassed his defender and the lino's flag a couple of times.

The final ten minutes were not pretty and Mascot were allowed back into the game, Jamie got done like a kipper (sorry Jamie) and the forward slotted home, 2-1. Mascot smelt an upset and rallied in the final five, Curtis made a vital double save with his feet, Coogee were in panic mode - luckily we had enough about us to ride out Mascots only spell of the game. Three more points, making it 7 wins on the trot, we are in good shape. The post match discussion almost felt as if we had lost. Onwards and upwards for a tough run of games including the big one against Waverley in two weeks.

MOM: Jezza
Attendance - 28
Ground Facilities - average
Hot dog rating - 3 out of 5 not as good as Tony's.

In other news you may have seen the interview I gave to Fox Sports last night:

"CUFC Secretary Confirms Finchy staying at Coogee":

FS Reporter - Paul, what have you got to say in regards to the recent rumours of Real Madrid making it a triple swoop and taking Finchy to Spain.?

CUFCS - This is complete nonsense, he is on fire and thinks a lot of Kaka & Ronaldo. The draw card here is still playing with Beau & Hale, nothing means more to him.

FSR - Can you confirm he is learning the Spanish Language and wears a Fernando Torres Headband?

CUFCS - Yes he is learning Spanish, though I think this is a skill he's developing for pulling women when he next goes to Argentina. He does also wear the head band which has taken his game to another level this season and keeps his hair out of his sensitive eyes.

FSR - If the rumours are true, surely CUFC would welcome the funds with the GFC biting and the meat raffle not producing the required results? Yet club treasurer Daniel Ashley has a three bed palace along Bondi Beach and has gone part time at NAB!?

CUFCS - erm, erm. Yeah you are right, that is alarming and I will speak with the rest of the board urgently.

- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Pagewood + Dunbar

Firstly... Pagewood.

At my age my memory of Sat is vague so here we have a bullet point report catching the highlights of yet another victory at the fortress that is Heffron.

In fact whilst we are on the subject of this place it would only be appropriate to mention Jake's comments yesterday.

I quote, "In Heffron we have the best facilities within the league, it has everything you need". Cue amazement from the all who witnessed the comments.
It must be tough up north.

• Good warm up in balmy Heffron conditions

• "Let's do some stretching in the shade boys", "But gaffer the only shade is in the bushes".

• Line up... Nick, Jamie, Beau, Jake, Luke, Gudge, Ricky, Jez, Haler, Finchy, Marti. Bench: Jappy, Jimmy, Silvio, Mick, Steve

• Too excited in warm up, not enough time for team talk

• Average start

• Jake gives away another penalty because he loves to challenge Nick (although the striker definitely 'bounced' (?) off his chest)

• Nick makes great save

• Jez hits row Z

• 0-0 half time

• A few of us get hit by flying boots / water bottles / thongs (rubber and cotton variety, provided by Mick) in the half time talk from the legendary but angry gaffer.

• Improved start to 2nd half

• Finchy can't be offside if he is coming back from an offside position (?)

• Finchy dribbles around the keeper, beats himself a few times, waits on the line, shouts and then scores

• Finchy wins award for most outrageous celebration which wakes up the linesmen

• Pagewood army silenced

• Jake wins a tackle and HOOFS the ball forward (with his eyes closed)

• Ball ends up in the opponents half

• Finchy beats the defender and our attacker to the ball and nonchalantly lobs the keeper from 26 yards

• Finchy calmly walks back to the centre circle and wins the award for most contrasting celebrations for scoring in one game

• Sloppy goal conceded

• 2-1 victory - good enough but improvement needed for the crunch game at Dunbar

Final score - CUFCR 2 - 1 Pagewood
Goals - Who else but Finchy x 2 (48 and 62 mins)
Man of the match - Finchy
Attendance 88 (CUFC fans 12, Pagewood 76)


And onto Dunbar

Things didn't get off to a great start.

There were plenty of emotional discussions regarding parking. "It's ok, we'll split the fine if you get one" (yeah right). "I'm at the pitch, where are you guys?", "I think you must be at the wrong pitch mate" (bloody Italians!).

Luckily we had did have some great news. The 15th Jack Daniels at 4am had managed to do wonders for the skipper's knee injury. Beau was 'fit' to play. Unfortunately Danny couldn't make it back from the South Coast, sorry, his hammy was still not right.

Starting line up...
Nick, Jappy, Beau, Jake, Luke, Gudge, Jez, Jimmy, Haler, Finchy, and special welcome to Liam. Bench: Silvio, Jamie, Marti, Mick, Steve

Right from the off it was clearly going to be a tough challenge with Dunbar linking some nice passing moves. We clearly needed to raise our level from previous weeks. We clicked into gear after about 10 minutes soaking up pressure and began to create some typical CUFCR passing moves.

Finchy and Liam were causing all sorts of grief to their giant centre backs and Haler and Gudge were clearly out pacing their wingbacks. Jez was picking up all the scraps and distributing wide and Jimmy was patrolling the cricket square area of about 10x10m (tops). Communication in defence was top drawer and Dunbar were clearly getting frustrated.

Our first clear opportunity (well, half chance) fell to the man who defences / opposition fans love to hate, our Finchy. He picked the ball up down the left, beat his man with ease and hammered a left foot strike past the giant keeper. A deserved 1-0 lead and confidence was starting to grow amongst the CUFCR boys.

15 minutes later Jez yet again nicked the ball off their centre midfielder, ignored Jimmy's call of my ball and knocked a great ball over the defender into the path of our regular goal scorer. Again, only a half chance but Finchy held off his defender knocked it round another and smashed it home again, like the keeper wasn't there. I suddenly realised why he warms up before every game without a keeper.

Oh yeah, and Jimmy hit row Z with a free kick.

A great first half, probably the best of the season so far, could it be the first time we beat Dunbar... some hard work left.

Dunbar made a few changes to their team (bringing in a couple of 1st graders) and to be fair probably came out the stronger. Yet again though we soaked up a fair amount of pressure with only a couple of opportunities falling to their strikers. Beau and Jakey were in inspired form and restricted Dunbar to long range efforts. Anything on target was quickly gobbled up by our 'clean sheeting seeking' (try saying that after 15 JD's) Nick.

It was becoming a battle and some hefty challenges / elbows were starting to fly in but CUFCR remained calm keeping possession in the wide areas to continue to frustrate Dunbar. As the 2 games in 3 days started to take effect some wise changes were made bringing in a quality bench. Jez and Silvio (the two smallest players on the park) managed to somehow get into 'tussles' with the Dunbar captain. Luckily both survived.

After some more great work down the left Finchy crossed superbly (whilst a little surprisingly when on a hat-trick) for Marti. He beat the keeper to the touch and stroked the ball home to grab his first for the club. Coogee were beating Dunbar 3-0, we like.

Understandably it was the crucial goal and the last 5 minutes were controlled by CUFCR safe in the knowledge we had done enough. Great win from CUFCR and the beer tasted great, especially as it was purchased by a Scotsman (at Dan Murphy's, on special).

Final Score - CUFCR 3 - 0 Dunbar
Goals - Finchy 23, Finchy 38, Marti 85
Man of the Match - Beau (4am finish, brilliant)
Attendance - 67 - Special mention to all the CUFC fans who made Reg Bartley ours for the day.

- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Phoenix

The President wondered if there was a game of Gaelic Football on at Heffron but it was pointed out that Phenoix plus half our first grade had just arrived.

After a washout the previous week CUFCR were clearly in the mood to continue a run of victories. However some concerns were raised when we had to give up on the first warm up exercise through confusion. Luckily things got back to normal with the team stretching and Finchy banging the ball home on his own, into the empty goal. Calls for Danny to maybe have a go were quickly hushed.

Starting line up this week, Mike (he is still at Heffron), Silvio (more flicks than Greater Union), Jamie (more late arrivals than the Tunney family), Beau (Gold Card member of many high end establishments), Jakey (they need to release more new films as I've seen them all at the cinema), Jez (I'll happily find jobs for any Irish female), Haler (let me show you a trick boys), Gazza (letting the team down for 4 weeks), Jimmy (goal of the season), Finchy (I'll be with you in a minute boys, just a few more goals), Normo ("I'm not excited, just relieved"). Replacements; Gudge (welcome back from clipboard duty), Marti (late mail favourite for Mr World), Ricky (does anybody know their shoe size), Lukey (Barcelona Chelsea, same sentence), Christian (definite potential for Mr World).

CUFCR started strongly again and in similar fashion to the last game at Heffron camped themselves in the Pheonix half. Even the ref was wondering if their team dinner (mashed potato with jacket potato and fries) had taken it's toll. The pass count was nearing that of Barca's on Thursday morning and we hadn't reached the 10 minute mark. The game plan was working... until...

The heavens opened and in true Aussie park style Heffron was waterlogged within a couple of minutes. Even Barca would have struggled to keep the passing game alive but somehow we managed to fashion a couple of opportunities from the wide men of Haler and Jez. After another 'muddy' passing move a ball was slid through to our goalless striker. Silence fell upon Heffron and even the rain stopped for that split second. Could he break his drought? In short, no. The ball crept wide and to the relief of said striker the flag was raised. He had the nerve to say "I saw the flag".

It rattled us slightly and as a result Pheonix got into our half for the first time. Boys, this should never happen again and quite frankly is not acceptable, how dare we let them string more than 1 pass together. Fortunately Mikey had just put down his May edition of Playboy and was there to make a couple of solid saves from long distance shots.

The delights of our ultra modern, spacious and warm changing facilities were approaching and we were looking forward to the rousing words of the gaffa but wait, there was one final chapter. And what a final chapter of the half it proved to be. Jez cut in from the right and saw Normo screaming for the through ball. It was weighted to perfection. On first contact it looked like it was heading for the car park but Jez had expertly found the large lake outside the box to hold the ball up for Danny's left foot. An awesome strike from 20 yards beat a valliant effort from the keeper and JUST crept inside the post. Cue a full team celebration with Normo in the corner. We are still searching for the individuals who left 2 lipstick marks on his face. 1-0 and Normo was back.

The half time talk was of more of the same and to keep it out of the reservoirs in the soon to be CUFCR half.

Unfortunately we appeared to leave a little in the dressing rooms and Phoenix clearly enjoyed their potato flavoured chips at half time. We lost a bit of composure across the park and Pheonix fashioned a couple of headed chances. Mikey was solid throughout and Jamie, Silvio, Jakey and Beau were determined in their pursuit to keep a clean sheet. The best chance of the half then fell to the Pheonix striker who won a great header. Our heads had almost gone down before an outstretched hand from Mikey pushed the ball on the post, fantastic save. The ball rolled across the line, over his copy of Readers Wives 2006 and rested in the puddle by the other post.

It looked like luck was on our side and the coach saw the opportunity to now make some changes to a heavy legged midfield and an emotional Normo. Marti began to hold the ball up upfront in great style and what with the entrance of the comeback boys in Gudge and Ricky we suddenly started to play some football again. At this point I decided to take a shower with my close friend Jez so I asked Gudge for his thoughts on the goals. This is what he sent me this morning...

Right.........my recollection Finchy held the ball up, turned his man and mad a rampaging run down the left, leaving his the defender in his wake. He then picked me out a treat. I was approx 29 yards out and volleyed (left footed of course) first time, hit the underside of bar and in... I celebrated like Shearer with hand in air charging around until stopped by team mates.

Luke crossed for Rick.

A slightly selfish report possibly so I'll let you recall the memories of the last 10 minutes.

Final score; CUFC 3 - 0 Pheonix
Goals; Danny (not a typo) 45, Gudge 78, Ricky 85.
Man of the Match; Jakey
Attendance; 45 brave souls, 1 spying Waverley centre back and 136 packets of chips.

Another great win then capped off by a an even better victory from 1st grade. Look forward to seeing a report later today?

A slim turnout at the pub but a good night was had watching both Chelsea storm to victory and a video involving a number of reserve grade players at their 'best'.

- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Lokomotiv Cove

Heffron greeted us with some delightful sunshine, a fresh breeze and the perfect opportunity to impress both the gaffa (legend) and the fine array of fillies on the line.

Probably the sharpest warm up of the season so far gave an indication that the boys were up for the 3rd straight victory. Even with Hale's best efforts to distract us with his very feminine keepy up / triple roll we remained focussed.

As the gaffa was giving his final gee up on the field a mighty roar came from the sideline. I seemed on first hearing that the President had just walked out of the kitchen and noticed the number of females. It was however our friend and team mate Mick. For most of us this was the first time we knew he even had a Harley. We are still trying to work out why on Ladies Day he brought it to the game. Answers on a postcard...

From the kick off CUFCR dominated possession and began to put some top class passing moves together. Finchy and Danny were leading the line in tenacious fashion having both taken the angry pill in the warm up. Anything other than a Ronaldo style assist was not accepted. It seemed to work against the poor Loco defenders who were not given any time on the ball. The back five of Mike, Beau, Jake, Jappy and the Gaffa were comfortable again and Mike was even seen running a book on the girls shoot out. The midfield quartet of Paul, Gazza, Jimmy and Hale were looking to link the moves together with Paul and the Dancing Queen regularly pinging in crosses which the flapping keeper was struggling to deal with.

Gazza had a chance early on but his 25yrd lob attempt just crept over the bar. A song began on the sideline from the girls... "you should have hit it with your shi hin, you should have hit it with your shin".

Another well worked move across the backline and a cross from the Gaffa gave Danny a chance to put the keeper under pressure again. He beat the keeper to it and Finchy risked losing a few teeth to head home. Cue screams and celebrations (from Finchy as well as the sideline).

A few more half chances but we entered the dressing rooms 1-0 to the good, and looking comfortable. More of the same but with composure was the message from the Gaffa. The boys also responded to the call that this could be their first opportunity for months to perform in the bedroom that night if they performed for the next 45 minutes on the pitch.

We started the 2nd half in similar fashion to the first with a continued dominance of Loco. As the number 25 began to flirt with most of us it was pointed out that he might be best on the sideline with a champagne and pair of heels. Raid after raid into the Loco half saw a number of chances go begging as the woodwork was given a working over. It was like the CUFCR version of cross bar challenge. Most notable was a fine run down the right from Paul and perfect cross which led to the best chance of the half. Normo (yes he was still on the pitch) managed to keep his duck intact by firing against the bar from 6 yards. Discussions around him paying for new round goal posts to assist were quickly halted as a number of pigs flew over Heffron.

The next breakthrough came from yet another corner from the left. Jakey rose like the proverbial salmon to nod home the deserved 2nd goal, capping off a man of the match performance. After a box to box run earlier on the half some us did notice the fact that he seemed to have taken a 3rd striker role for remainder of the half. It nearly paid off again after another header against the woodwork.

The replacements of Jamie, Jimmy, Jez and Silvio all slotted in to the game with ease to ensure we had a comfortable finish. CUFCR 2 - Loco 0.

We saluted the army of ladies for their support and the beers were cracked open (Hahn Super Dry / Barefoot Radler). The only thing that broke up the discussion about how we would win next week was the introduction to Beau's two 'friends'. We should do ladies day more often.

Gudge is still looking for Danny as he was apparently too nervous to turn up for his slot in the ladies shoot out comp.

Bring on Dunbar.

Goals - Finchy 24, Jake 57
Man of the Match - Jake
Attendance - 169

Special mentions
- Well done to Karin for organising a great day and a great turnout.
- Congratulations to Damo on becoming a Dad

- Report by James Whiteford

PL Reserves V Maroubra

Fresh from the celebrations of last week the Rezzies arrived in the Bra in confident mood. We knew we were going to start well, taking inspiration from the anthem 'Cmon Coogee' from our Scottish Mascot starting as early as 12.01pm. The innocent families on the sideline seem to leave the scene quicker than Jules in Trademark the previous weekend.

We all know Luke wants us to appear on next year's So You Think You Can Dance and even the Hokey Kokey went reasonably well. Although Paul's slip up (yes I saw it mate) nearly resulted in the Mascot taking his starting position on the right.

The line up was as follows...

Stoppers - Mike 'the mummy' between the uprights, Captain Cougar and Jakey 'let someone else head it', Jappy 'pick up my man Jimmy' on the right and the best player and nicest man I've met, Luke on the left (armband now?). Producers - Paul 'left right left' took the right flank, Gazza '2nd best goal of the year' and Jimmy 'goal of the year' took charge in the middle and Danny 'come on then, oops I punched Finchy' ran the left.

Goal Hangers - Danny 'Hey boys, I've already played more minutes than last year plus I've been sent off' Normington and Marti 'I mean Christian, no Marti, who's pulled out?'.

Patient waiters - Jimmy 'I'm here for the free kicks', Silvio 'Get out the way Luke I'm playing left back', Dash 'with a copy of Racing Post' and Gudge 'better with his boots than a clipboard'.

Clearly the hours of those training drills (which we still can't do) worked with some delightful triangles in the early minutes. The back line was solid winning everything and despite a Matrix style challenge Danny was still on the field after 15 minutes, things were going to plan. Paul and Haler were tormenting their defenders and producing some great crosses. At times Jappy and Paul were playing keepy up around the left back. In fact they managed more then we did at training for 20 minutes on Thursday. Despite the pressure we couldn't convert and slowly the Bra boys got back into the game. CUFCR probably lost a bit of focus (note for next week boys) but the referee definitely took inspiration from the Chelsea game midweek.

0-0, half time.

The shed gave us a welcome relief from the sun and a chance for the coach (you are a great coach) to give a stir up. Once Haler had finished his half time shower and re-applying of moisturiser we listened to the words of the gaffer and were ready for the challenge ahead of winning the 2nd game in a row.

The Rezzies were up for the challenge and some great one touch football (sometimes by accident) started. The large section of Maroubra Supporters on the sideline were silenced within 10 minutes. After a passing move involving nearly everyone (other than me) a through ball was knocked to Gazza. In a moment that was witnessed by everyone but Gazza the keeper was completely fooled by the strike of the football. An artist's impression below shows the blue area of the leg used for Gaz's finish….



A great team goal and hopefully the shape of things to come. Upset by the accusations Gaz was out to prove us wrong and after just another 5 minutes some expert work from his partner in the midfield saw a Jan Molby style pass over the last defender. And Gaz didn't let anybody down by scoring the 2nd best goal of the season so far, hammering a dipping shot past the keeper from 25 yards (11 yards closer than the goal of the season). The crowd went wild and claims that 'it was a cross' from Danny 'I have not scored yet' Normington were quickly rejected.

CUFCR continued their dominance for the next 10 minutes and Danny was 'unlucky' to have a goal disallowed for an ABH worthy pull back on the defender.

The ageing midfield started to tire and Maroubra then brought on some fresh legs (and a smart 1st grader) and started to get back into the game. With 7 minutes to go they found themselves in with a shout with a scrappy goal from memory. Some much needed fresh armoury was brought on for CUFCR in Jimmy, Silvio and Dash and... Danny was brought on for Danny. Once Luke had told Gudge he was never giving him a clipboard again we got on with the game and strangely enough Danny actually looked fresh again.

There were a few scary moments in the last few minutes including Jappy's attempt to blame an ageing centre midfielder for not picking up his right winger. Fortunately a match winning save from Mike ensured the 2 wins in a row were complete.

A back to earth speech from the legend that is Luke ensured that despite the victory we have plenty to get right for next week. Celebrations then began on the sideline and then back at the CBH for the 'who can wear the most gay shorts' awards.

Goals - Gazza 51, Gazza 57.
Man of the Match - Gazza
Attendance - 63, including the teams.
Attendance at the CBH - 62 - Apologies (again) - Danny.

Lokomotive next weekend with the ladies watching. No Robbie, you can't bring her mum.

- Report by James Whiteford